dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize