highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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