12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
