it hurts more in the daytime
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
