All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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