If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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