my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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