It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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