I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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