someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
