Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
