Apparently you make a good broom.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
