Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
