dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You're like the curious george of whores
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
