we have officially lost it.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
