I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
