my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
