forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
