So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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