I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
