I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
