Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
two words: eviction party
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
