dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
