I skipped work to stalk him.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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