i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
