Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
