I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize