Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
