You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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