your room smells of hookers.
And success
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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