I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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