So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
