My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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