He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
