I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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