i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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