We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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