Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
