I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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