i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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