fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
