I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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