Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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