I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
