I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
