Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize