If that was your dad, he is hot
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
