Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
