Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
