I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
