dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
