I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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