i need an iv and a liver transplant
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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