Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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