Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
