who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize