I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
