I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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