but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He shit in the fireplace
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
