Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
