So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
