i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
