I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
