I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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