in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
