The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
