I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
