haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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