Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
