tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
