I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
