is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
