Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
