I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
