I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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