Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
