in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
