Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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