Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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