what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
