drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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