someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
