Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
