Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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