i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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