somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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