i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
