my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
