Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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