my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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