i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
