im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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