just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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