dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize