i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
