the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
