nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
