Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
