True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
