my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
