my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize