Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
