I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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