he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
should my penis look like a turkey
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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