I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
