i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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