I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
