we have officially lost it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
