fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
