Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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