Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
