well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize