dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
