Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
