I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
